Candid Teacher Admits: It feels like a part of my heart has left.
It’s been 5 days since I got the news, and it hasn’t gotten one bit easier. Having to go to work each day and smile and “perform” like usual for the students doesn’t make it easier either. And, on my prep times, having to face my co-workers, though they mean well, makes it that much more difficult. It feels like I have to constantly put on a happy face so I don’t break down to every person who asks, “How are you holding up?”
Everyone means so well by offering their sympathy. It just feels like part of me has left. I wait for it to return, and I’m trying so many different things to revive it..
Being alone, going out with friends, staying in with friends, hugs, phone conversations, reaching out to other teachers, crying, getting angry, working out, throwing myself into work, being bitter, and even a glass of wine.
I know not all of these ideas are constructive, but I thought they may bring temporary relief.
I feel like a circus act that can’t find its groove.
When will I return to, well, me? And what will it take?